A tad sad.

Just as heads up, this post is a tad depressing. It's not like my usual posts, so I didn't really write it for the reader in mind this time (except for the ending). I just figured that typing this out will help me feel a little less sad.

In the summertime, Dylan, my boyfriend, had made me a promise that once we both moved back to the city for school, he was going to buy me a rabbit. Three and a half weeks ago, after a bit of a discussion, I decided that I wanted Dylan to bring home one of the two rabbits bigger rabbits that had been at the pet store for a few months. I had forgotten these rabbits looked like, so I was pleasantly surprised and immediately attached when Dylan took a very adorable, floppy-eared bunny out of the box that he brought it home in. I named her Pokey.

I got a big dog kennel from my parents' house and made a "bunny mansion" out of it. I made sure that my wonderful pet always had plenty of hay, veggies, and fruit, so she would never get too hungry. She loved to be let out of her cage, so she could wander around my suite, jumping up on everything she could, so she could get the best view of the room. As she got even more used to me, she would jump up on the couch to visit me, or sit in the dust pan as I was cleaning her cage. It would make me so happy to just come home and peek in on her cage when I got home, rescue her from the top of the stairs (she was too scared to come down herself), or to watch her discover new things around my suite.

Yesterday, I came home and saw that something was wrong with my cute little floppy-eared Pokey. She hadn't touched the food I had put in her cage the night before (which was very, very unusual for her), and she was barely breathing. I took her out of her cage, Dylan and I gave her a warm bath in the sink (my sister saved one of my pet mice that way once), wrapped her in a towel to keep her warm, and I snuggled with her. Dylan called the vet and we took her there as soon as we could. Pokey would move every once in a while and she felt warm in the towel, so I had a bit of hope that we could be bringing her back home. After being taken to the back of the vet's office by the nurses, the vet met with us to tell us that Pokey wasn't going to make it. She told us that my little bunny was far too skinny, barely responsive to anything, and was 5 degrees colder than she should have been. She explained that rabbits are great at hiding illness, and after we told her that Pokey ate very, very often, the vet decided that Pokey must have had an internal issue that would not allow her to absorb food and nutrients. Our only option was to have her put down.

It wasn't enough that I had to leave my rabbit forever, so after paying $90 to have her put down and cremated, Dylan and I came back to my place.

I was quite broken up about it, which I didn't expect. If I had have read this sort of thing from someone else a little while ago, I wouldn't have been able to really take it seriously. I have seen many hamsters come and go, I buried a different rabbit last year, etc...but I wasn't terribly sad about those other pets. I always saw the small pets to be on a completely different level than cats and dogs. I'm not sure what's different about the death of this "small pet". Maybe it's because I wasn't prepared for it, maybe it's because I knew Pokey should have had a longer life span, maybe it's because I know I was taking such good care of her, maybe it's because she didn't just die naturally, or maybe it's because she was the little furball that kept me company when I had to be cooped up in my suite by myself. I don't know...but, either way, it will take me a little while to get over not having her around. At least I know that she was warm, cozy, and safe in my arms for a little bit, and that I was able to give her as much attention and love as possible. I just hope she was feeling peaceful and comfortable enough as she died.

I was right. Typing this out did help me. I think I can look back on this sometime and feel happy about the little bit of life Pokey did have and the little bit of time she could spend with me. If you did read this, I recommend that if you ever have something that makes you sad, type it out (or write it out), just like I did. Go through the whole situation...the good things and the bad things. Write about what made you happy and why you think it made you happy, and/or what made you sad and why you think it made you sad. It should give you a better understanding of yourself, and maybe it will help to relieve your feelings a little bit, whatever they might be.

The calm before the storm.

It's that time of year again! The time when my "busy bee" label fits just right.

This may not be the same for others, but I find that I rarely remember the fall season each year. I remember the beginnings of the school year and all other activities and things...but I can't really remember the leaves changing colour and falling off the trees, or that patch of different weather between +30 and -40. I get another year older in there somewhere, too... Honestly, it seems like just a normal thing to have the fall season fly by faster than I can say "please stop, I'm ripping my hair out". 

I remember saying last night, when I got home from my 6 day road trip, that I really wish I could have two full days before school starts, rather than just one, so I could have more than enough time to tackle my pesky to-do list and to get all prepared for getting "back to the grindstone". After having a migraine all day and just feeling terrible in general, I only get to feeling better after suppertime. On top of feeling completely under the weather, I was also feeling frustrated. I had so much to do today, and very little time to do it. Of course it would be my health that was the one obstacle for me today. That rarely happens. I tend to be able to work around being sick, but not this time. It wasn't until mid-afternoon that I finally came to terms with the fact that there was nothing I could do about my health, except rest and drink plenty of water.

Then, I came to a wonderful realization. Today was one of the best days I have had in a very long time, because I could spend it feeling completely stress-free (after a while) with my loving boyfriend. We are in the middle of starting a new chapter and there really isn't anything in the world I needed more today than spending that time with him, feeling how much love he has for me, and having him taking care of me. He was still able to get his work done, will I snuggled in and felt completely at peace. Those are the types of moments we live for, aren't they? As much as being productive is certainly something that is needed most days, we still need to soak up the little moments in life too.

So, always look for those little blessings in disguise because I certainly had one of those today. My body was just forcing me to slow down and enjoy some beautiful moments, since I clearly wasn't planning on doing it on my own.