A tad sad.

Just as heads up, this post is a tad depressing. It's not like my usual posts, so I didn't really write it for the reader in mind this time (except for the ending). I just figured that typing this out will help me feel a little less sad.

In the summertime, Dylan, my boyfriend, had made me a promise that once we both moved back to the city for school, he was going to buy me a rabbit. Three and a half weeks ago, after a bit of a discussion, I decided that I wanted Dylan to bring home one of the two rabbits bigger rabbits that had been at the pet store for a few months. I had forgotten these rabbits looked like, so I was pleasantly surprised and immediately attached when Dylan took a very adorable, floppy-eared bunny out of the box that he brought it home in. I named her Pokey.

I got a big dog kennel from my parents' house and made a "bunny mansion" out of it. I made sure that my wonderful pet always had plenty of hay, veggies, and fruit, so she would never get too hungry. She loved to be let out of her cage, so she could wander around my suite, jumping up on everything she could, so she could get the best view of the room. As she got even more used to me, she would jump up on the couch to visit me, or sit in the dust pan as I was cleaning her cage. It would make me so happy to just come home and peek in on her cage when I got home, rescue her from the top of the stairs (she was too scared to come down herself), or to watch her discover new things around my suite.

Yesterday, I came home and saw that something was wrong with my cute little floppy-eared Pokey. She hadn't touched the food I had put in her cage the night before (which was very, very unusual for her), and she was barely breathing. I took her out of her cage, Dylan and I gave her a warm bath in the sink (my sister saved one of my pet mice that way once), wrapped her in a towel to keep her warm, and I snuggled with her. Dylan called the vet and we took her there as soon as we could. Pokey would move every once in a while and she felt warm in the towel, so I had a bit of hope that we could be bringing her back home. After being taken to the back of the vet's office by the nurses, the vet met with us to tell us that Pokey wasn't going to make it. She told us that my little bunny was far too skinny, barely responsive to anything, and was 5 degrees colder than she should have been. She explained that rabbits are great at hiding illness, and after we told her that Pokey ate very, very often, the vet decided that Pokey must have had an internal issue that would not allow her to absorb food and nutrients. Our only option was to have her put down.

It wasn't enough that I had to leave my rabbit forever, so after paying $90 to have her put down and cremated, Dylan and I came back to my place.

I was quite broken up about it, which I didn't expect. If I had have read this sort of thing from someone else a little while ago, I wouldn't have been able to really take it seriously. I have seen many hamsters come and go, I buried a different rabbit last year, etc...but I wasn't terribly sad about those other pets. I always saw the small pets to be on a completely different level than cats and dogs. I'm not sure what's different about the death of this "small pet". Maybe it's because I wasn't prepared for it, maybe it's because I knew Pokey should have had a longer life span, maybe it's because I know I was taking such good care of her, maybe it's because she didn't just die naturally, or maybe it's because she was the little furball that kept me company when I had to be cooped up in my suite by myself. I don't know...but, either way, it will take me a little while to get over not having her around. At least I know that she was warm, cozy, and safe in my arms for a little bit, and that I was able to give her as much attention and love as possible. I just hope she was feeling peaceful and comfortable enough as she died.

I was right. Typing this out did help me. I think I can look back on this sometime and feel happy about the little bit of life Pokey did have and the little bit of time she could spend with me. If you did read this, I recommend that if you ever have something that makes you sad, type it out (or write it out), just like I did. Go through the whole situation...the good things and the bad things. Write about what made you happy and why you think it made you happy, and/or what made you sad and why you think it made you sad. It should give you a better understanding of yourself, and maybe it will help to relieve your feelings a little bit, whatever they might be.